You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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