what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
