My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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