His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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