I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
