SEEEEXXX PLEASE
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
