My first STD was from a foam party
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
