Christians are straight up FREAKS
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize