Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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