I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
