$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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