Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
