My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
