Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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