Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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