You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Randomize
