Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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