She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
