We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I need water and some morals
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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