I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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