Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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