We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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