Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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