Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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