have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
should my penis look like a turkey
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
