Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
