Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
