i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
