I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
