Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Randomize
