I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
