Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
