I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
