Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
