Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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