trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
