i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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