You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
