Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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