i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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