whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
