either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Oh god it's open bar.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
