So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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