fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
