Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
