god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
