Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
