How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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