Ambien. No doubt about it.
smell my finger.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
