I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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