What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
