hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
