wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize