"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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