...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
