I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
