Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
