My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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