Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
