Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
