She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
