she was so not down for the gang bang
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
