he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
