Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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