I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
