your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Where did you get a picture of my penis
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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