hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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