State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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