So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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