I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
