Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
