i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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