I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
