The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
