but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
