she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
