Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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