he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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