oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
