he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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