If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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