This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There's always time for handjobs
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
