I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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