there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
tell me about the eggs
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