Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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