im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
