Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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