On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
