like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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