sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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