I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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