i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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