my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
