There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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