My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Found the puke drawer
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
