she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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