onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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