that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
