That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
PANTIES FOUND
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
